I've got some good news and some bad news to share with you. This may come as a bit of a surprise to those of you who know me personally, but if you know me well it will be no shock. And there's no easy way to tell you this. I'm in love. I can't believe it, but I've actually fallen in love. Again! An old flame from many years ago has once again come to mind and after spending hours considering my present plight I've found myself giving in to the old feelings I thought were long gone. It's amazing how deep-seated emotional attachments can be - some surviving most of a lifetime. I think I've known this for some time and even tried to deny it, but there's really no sense in continuing the charade. I can't pretend there's no attraction; I can't go on denying reality. I'm really in love.
And that brings me to the bad news. I'm in love with me. I'm deeply, truly in love with myself; so much so that it sickens me. Believe me, I don't suffer from low self-esteem. I'm off the charts when this is graded. And if that's not bad enough for you, I've got some worse news. So are you! You're so in love with yourself you ought to be ashamed. You, like me, would be absolutely shocked if you really knew how often you thought of yourself instead of thinking of others.
Now don't start in with the low self-esteem psycho-babble. We've all been told, "You have to learn to love yourself before you can love others - that's what Jesus said." Eau contraire mon frer (pardon my French)! To use a theological phrase my good friend Rod taught me - "Baloney!" When Jesus said, "Love your neighbor as yourself," He was saying, "Direct the same intensity of love you already have for yourself outward to your neighbor instead of inward to yourself." The given in that equation was that we already love ourselves - we don't have to learn how to do that. We're born with it. We can't escape it - we can only learn to control it and channel it properly. And the absolutely last thing we need to do is give in to more self-love.
I hear someone out there saying, "You don't know me - I really don't like myself. In fact I hate myself." But understand that what you're really saying is, "I love myself with such intensity that I want some things about myself to change or be different." You see, the object of your attention is still YOU, whether you'll admit self-love or hide behind the false pretense of self-hatred. The only person you're thinking of is the only person you're fooling.
Why is it so hard to think of others rather than ourselves? Who do we protect in an argument or conflict? Why is it so hard to admit we're wrong? Whose wants, needs and desires preoccupy our thought life? I'm about fed up with the bogus argument that we need to love ourselves more so we can love others. I might be somewhat tolerant if I could see things progressing outwardly, but my observation is that self-love leads to self-obsession, to self-indulgence, and to license to do whatever pleases self. See Romans 1:18-32 for the regression of self-indulgent depravity. The self-love with which we're all infected leads to a downward, inward spiral which seeks more and more only to please self. We're sick. We don't need more disease - we need a cure.
Jesus offers that cure - it's called death. No, not physical death, that would be easy - rather death to self-will, to self-determination, to all aspects of life that prefer self to others. This is a requirement if we're going to call ourselves Christians. We need to die to ourselves to be cured. Our first focus should be God and our second, others. (Matt. 22:34-39) Jesus said, "If any one wishes to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life shall lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake shall find it." (Matt. 16:24-25)
Philippians 2:3 says, "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself." Self-love Test: In the middle of the next crisis in your life ask yourself, "Who am I thinking of?" No, the problem is not low self-esteem; it's high self-esteem. We're all in love with ourselves - and that is precisely the problem.
In case you're wondering, the good news is that I'm aware that I love myself - and now you know you do too. And the better news is that all we have to do to be cured is die. So go ahead, give it up, die, and bury anything that would try to preserve your self-love. And don't you dare visit the grave or you'll become infected again - at least, that's the way I see it.
Dennis Uecker